(no subject)

Heh.

fahrbot knows me well...Neither of us really like to....you know...HUG or EMOTE or TALK about our feeling that much so she took decisive action and brought over Season 2 of Slings and Arrows and we watched the entire thing.

And I'm definately in a better mood. This the great thing about my friends. If I want to talk about stuff, I've got people to call, if I want to avoid all talk and just do something to cheer me up, got people for that as well.

Aw, I love my friends.

Further journey into the exciting land of my ovaries

Okay, so the test results show that although my ovaries are normal-sized, they both have multiple cysts. So.....yeah.

Anyway, I'm having very mixed emotions about the whole thing. On the one hand I feel validated as I kept insisting it couldn't have all been my fault and that the weight gain didn't make sense. I realize I'm not perfect but I take better care of my body than most people I know, save for like....Thea who is a little scary. It's good to catch it now. Now they can stop me from ovulating and continuing to make more cysts.

On the other hand I'm just sulky about having it in the first place. I'm trying to reserve my sulk until we see if the glucophage will help me get back down to a normal weight. I fucking refuse to look like this. I refuse to accept putting in twice the effort with diet and exercise than everyone else and still not looking good. Hopefully, bringing my testosterone back down will help with the acne. If not, they say I can start Acutane in a few months once they get my dosages figured out.

My trainer, who is a doll, found this really great article on PCOS that just makes me feel so fucking validated. The major Symptoms include elevated testosterone (Which I have), sudden weight gain (Which I have) Weight gain around the middle (Which I have) A disproportinate hip to waist ratio (which I definately have, I have extremely narrow hips) Cysts in the ovaries (Got em) and intense and often nearly painful cravings for carbohydrates and sugar (Which I've always had). SO, this means I'm not totally crazy in thinking something was wrong. It's not just a lack of self-control.

Basically, it means I have to start thinking like a diabetic person when I choose foods because if I don't, I can easily get Type II diabetes and heart disease, as the PCOS causes high levels of cortisol which turns into tummy fat which turns into bad heart things.

.............ovaries are stupid.

(no subject)

God, God I'm just looking forward to graduating.

I'm sitting here, drinking a very good cup of Jasmine tea, sitting in my cozy, quiet apartment, just the lamp and the Christmas lights on, and it's so nice. Because I'm abjectly ignoring the homework I could still be doing.

I just take better care of myself when I work. I come home around 5 or 6, cook a good dinner, sit down, eat it, and then do whatever I want. God that sounds heavenly.

To come home every day to a nice, clean (okay sort of clean), quiet apartment. I love living alone (with the exception of Amanda and Thea who pretty much understand what I need to retain my sanity...which is basically the illusion of living alone, but with the nice option of someone to talk to). I'm just so ready to be out of academics. It's too insular an environment. I want to take what I've learned and go actually live my life.

Bleh. I don't get people who just keep going to school. A bunch of my friends are going to law school next year.....AFTER we all get our Master's degrees. They don't really want to be lawyers, they just want to keep going to school and figure they'll make more money in whatever job. OH MY GOD. What??? I don't get that. I hate school. Hate it. I love learning, but I hate school. I hate going to class and writing papers and taking tests. I love to read and travel. Law school???? On top of Graduate school? That's like wanting to have bamboo chutes stuffed up your nails AFTER getting kicked in the nuts repeatedly.....ON PURPOSE.